Bright Lights, Dark Shadows

When you have family visiting from out of town for the holidays that you haven’t seen in years, you have to stick around and see them. And when you haven’t met them at all and your parents want to introduce you to a long lost cousin, then you’re just expected to show up. I just didn’t tell them that I’d show up drunk. Needless to say the inaugural meeting between me and my new/old cousin was awkward and forced but I look forward to meeting him again in a well lit public place with plenty of adult supervision. Dude had cloak. A Cloak! He looked like Count Pimpula. All the girls where doting on him and I was afraid to make any wise-cracks about him for fear he would bitch slap me with his heirloom ring and Wolfs Head pimp cane. Maybe it was the spoonful of nutmeg I took when no-one was looking but I could swear that I heard animals howling when he left. To top it all off, he left me with a holiday card. He must have sprayed it with his cologne because it smelled like the Old Country and sorrow with a dash of wharf cannery. It was one of those cards that has a music doohickey in that plays when you open it. In it he wrote, “Lookin’ forward to getting a drink with you Cuz.” Then the fuckin’ music doohickey started playing some Clara Rockmore theremin creepy lullaby. My family’s so weird.

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